i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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