Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
