Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
