dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
