We named our party play list daddy issues
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
