New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
