i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
