I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize