last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
