This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize