the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize