last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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