I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize