He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
