fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
