i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
