Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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