Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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