This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
