my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
