there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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