I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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