god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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