Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So squirting runs in the family.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
