I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
