Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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