Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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