TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
