Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
