I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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