i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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