Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
