I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
