I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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