Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
