even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
