OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
