Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
