i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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