So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
