Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
