What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
