If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
