got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I will pee on everything he values.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
