He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
