I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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