remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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