happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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