then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
