so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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