Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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