I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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