And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
