i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
