The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
