Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
