I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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