There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well I just put wine in my tea
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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