Cold hands, warm shart.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
