I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
