um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
