Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
