i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
