she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
