It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
