That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
