I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
