I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
