i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
