have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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