I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
