If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
