I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
